Recently, I spend more time turning book pages and less time scrolling through timelines. In efforts to heal my soul, I have been reading books that stress the importance of self-love, self-acceptance and self-awareness. I wish to share an excerpt from the exceptionally written book titled The Mastery of Love – Don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend this book to anyone that has either suffered or is currently suffering with issues in relationships, not just romantically but friendships and family issues as well. The main takeaway I gained from this book, is that in order for me to the loving and caring relationship that I desire to have with those around me, that I need to first have that type of relationship with myself. I need to love myself unconditionally, with no exceptions and I need to never settle for less than I want.
Sure, that sounds like it applies strictly to romantic relationships but, they can be applied to friendships and family. No one wants to be loved and cared for with exceptions and rules, that is not love. “I love you but…” or “I’d love to help but…”. Love has no expectations. The minute expectations and conditions are applied, true love becomes lost and we begin to be comfortable with settling. Love should not hurt, physically or emotionally. With love, conditions are unspoken and there is a clear understanding of what is to be expected. Verbalizing those expectations does not erase love, it does not lessen it. Verbalizing those expectations in order to change the persons actions or situation surrounding the relationship for your own personal benefit, is when the love begins to change. We need to understand that the best, healthiest and more successful relationships are the ones where we are able to focus on ourselves, and let the other person worry about their half of responsibility in the relationship. You cannot worry about both sides because YOUR side, will suffer and love will be lost! If someone or something is not going the way you want it to, it is okay to walk away or try to openly discuss your concerns with the person. The goal is to gain understanding, not request changes! If you express to someone that they are hurting you, and they do not take the necessary steps to stop pain and poison from entering your heart and your mind, there is nothing you can do but move forward. You cannot move forward without forgiveness. Forgiveness is healing. Forgiveness is happiness. Forgive yourself first, for all of the mistakes of the past, present and future. Forgive yourself and begin to heal your emotional body…
Love is the medicine that accelerates the process of healing. There is no other medicine but unconditional love. Not: I love you if , or I love myself if. There is no if. There is no justification. There is no explanation. It is just to love. Love yourself, love your neighbor, and love your enemies. This is simple, common sense, but we cannot love others until we love ourselves. That is why we must begin with self-love.
There are millions of ways to express your happiness, but there is only one way to really be happy, and that is to love. There is no other way. You cannot be happy if you don’t love yourself. that is a fact. If you don’t love yourself, you don’t have any opportunity to be happy. You cannot share what you do not have. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love anyone else either. But you can have a need for love, and if there’s someone who needs you, that’s what humans call love. That is not love. That is possessiveness, that is selfishness, that is control with no respect. Don’t lie to yourself; that is not love. Love coming out of you is the only way to be happy. Unconditional love for yourself. Complete surrender to that love for yourself. You no longer resist life. You no longer reject yourself. You no longer carry all that blame and guilt. You just accept who you are, and accept everyone else the way he or she is. You have the right to love, and to not be afraid to receive it also… The Mastery of Love -Don Miguel Ruiz