Today, I found my journal/diary from high school. As I skimmed through my entries, I realized that I am currently experiencing the same pain I felt 5 years ago. At first, I was disappointed, thinking to myself “Wow, I haven’t grown up at all”. As I continued to read each word, I became aware that this was not the case.
“Life’s unexpected ups and downs sometimes makes you the person you are. From the happiest moments in life, to the moments that leave you aching from the deepest scars… you have to learn how to continue to fight, no matter how bad things may appear. Hold your head up high and push, the end is near. Don’t allow the struggle and disappointments to weaken you. Pick yourself up and realize you’re too strong to be defeated. No one said life was easy and no one said you have to face your problems alone…”
At the time of this entry, I had just graduated high school, I was going through a breakup, I felt very misunderstood (my relationship with my parents continued to suffer), I was very afraid of the future and I felt very defeated. It is normal to experience such things coming out of high school. The change that I was to face, going to college and leaving everything I was comfortable with for the past 4 years, wasn’t something that I looked forward to.
Fast forward 5 years… not too much has changed. Facing college graduation, a new breakup, the same misunderstood feeling, deeper feelings of defeat, lost and confusion. The pain doesn’t feel much different. As I read through the entires, I didn’t have to put myself back in time. I just continued to read and the emotions automatically clicked. As I finished reading, I closed the journal and realized that life is truly a circle of events. We feel comfort and security, change knocks on our door, our emotions and state of balance alternates, and we adapt with the outcome. Change does not have to be a negative thing. Often times, change is what we need in order for things in our life to fall into place. Continuously being afraid of people, places, new situations, convinced that sticking to what you know, is best. What is there to gain when you’re experiencing the same situations? You cannot expect to grow or do great things when you are so comfortable in your old ways. You cannot learn if you are not willing to try new things. The ability to adapt to a new environment, situation and experience are essential survival skill for humans and animals. Survival skills are crucial to life in general especially to those that wish to be more than they were yesterday. This is where learning yourself comes into play because survival techniques that work for others, may not be techniques that will work for you. Following the techniques and steps of others could possibly be what haults your success.
Feeling the same emotions from 5 years ago, doesn’t mean that you haven’t evolved, it all depends on how you handle those emotions and pain. 5 years ago, I completely shut down. Today, although there are days and nights that I feel defeated, these feelings do not last. I find comfort and ease in the various directions and paths my future could take me. I cannot continue to sit still and wait for a situation to change. I have to put forth effort and spring into action when I want the outcome to be different. I get in what I put out. If I am fair to God, life is fair to me (to an extent). I will always be misunderstood so I find understanding in other things. Life is hard but time is of the essence and though I remain pained and fearful, I have decided to live as if my heart knows no pain, and my soul knows no defeat. I will not know defeat if I find lessons in all things.
Life is a constant cycle of change. Understand this, learn your survival skills, practice your tenchiques, perfect your craft, and adapt!!!