beauty · blog · health · Inspire · Motivational · poetry · Uncategorized

A snippet of my story… 

For the girls that skipped breakfast because they wanna lose weight. For the girls that skipped lunch because they can “hold off until dinner”. 

For the girls that skipped dinner because they had a snack to hold them over after skipping breakfast and lunch… my heart aches for you. 

I’ve been there. I’d skip meals. I wouldn’t eat for days. I’d lie and say I’ve eaten, knowing I’m starving on the inside. I would purposely make myself sick after I was done eating, but it wasn’t something my body (mostly myself) could handle. I hated everything about it. I stopped eating meals and only ate snacks thinking to myself “the less it eat, the less weight I’d gain”. I wasn’t working out because I was embarrassed to be around people that were more dedicated, more toned, more healthy than I was. I put myself through such a hard time. Not because I wanted to be a cover girl. Not because I wanted to be super skinny and look sick. Only because I wanted people to look at me, and see I’m beautiful. I wanted the guy that cheated on me too see that I too can be beautiful. I too can grab attention from the crowd. I too can look stunning in gowns at events. I too can look beautiful in photos for your social media fans. I wanted the guy that told me I wasn’t worth it to see that I am indeed worth it. I wanted him to see that his friends think I’m worth it. I wanted to hear his friends say how stupid he is for letting me go. I wanted the guy that raised his hand to me to see that I’m a Queen. I wanted him to see that all he had to do, was treat me with respect. I wanted him to see that I am capable of doing all the things he said I couldn’t do, and then some. I wanted the guy that never gave me a chance because I was “too insecure” to know that I’m still insecure. To know that I’m practicing self-love. Replacing everything I once hated about myself, with things I appreciate and cherish. 

The hardest part about wanting to be perfect, is trying to fit everyone’s definition of perfect. Trying to fit everyone’s definition of beauty. Not just a beautiful mind, but a beautiful body, a beautiful soul, a beautiful face… How? How can I do this? Is it even possible? 

On the days I don’t feel beautiful and I cannot convince myself that I am, where do I turn? Where’s the best place to turn? In and out of this “slump” is exhausting, spiritually and emotionally. Why can’t I just always be happy with who I am and all that I’ve done? 

It’s because YOU CONSTANTLY COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS! Stop doing that! It’s slowly killing you and draining you of any and all positive energy you have. I could spend hours on social media (and I have) comparing my body to other women’s body’s. Comparing my face (skin, eyebrows, lips, teeth, cheekbones) to faces of other women. I’ve even compared the cars we drive, the schools we attend, the subjects we study, the way we dress, even the way our social media pages are set up… It would leave me in so much pain to where I knew, I could never be half the woman they appear to be. This would leave me defeated and just add onto my insecurities and feelings of worthlessness. It’s hard, so hard when you are your biggest critic. When no matter what you hear, the devil inside of you talks over those kind words. Erasing the good with the bad, leaving you completely heartbroken. 

This is the time to work on the God within yourself. This is the time to cleanse your soul, detox your body and reconstruct your conscious and unconscious mind. Put social media to the side. Do not go looking for your dream body because you will find it, on the body of another woman. It won’t help. Create your own dream body. Appreciate everything about yourself then commit, wholeheartedly to that woman. 

Leave any man that doesn’t recognize, appreciate, or worship the Queen within you. Leave the men that worship just beautiful women alone. Appreciate the men that can look at you, skin deep. The men that see all you can be. The men that place your value above any other woman’s value. The men that see that in this world, there is only 1 of you. 

 I promise, start loving yourself today so that it will be easier tomorrow. Fall in love with you, more and more. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change your appearance, as long as you’re doing it for you! For you to feel better about yourself. For you to see that you are everything you need to be. Don’t listen to the opinions and voices of others, they don’t matter. Leave that and them alone. 

Only allow peace and positive vibes dolls! Stay strong, please. I’m praying for you 😘

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